Divorce, often used as a threat when there is a desperate need for change in your relationship but, when it is meant it signals the end of your marriage but, the beginning of what can be a tortuous period in which hostilities are bitter and angry and this can happen even if it is a joint decision even now that we will soon have ‘no blame’ divorce.

As this new ‘no blame’ law comes in if it resulted in co-operative dismantling of the relationship it would save not just yourselves but your children if you have them from protracted battles as we seek to find blame.

We enter into marriage filled with hopes and dreams but, it has failed, one or both of you has disappointed the other but, we must not lose sight of the fact that both of you entered into this arrangement wholeheartedly and with the best of intentions yes, it has gone wrong, one or both of you has changed in a way that doesn’t suit the other, it could be environmental, sexual, financial or an addiction but we need to remember that once we were in love, there is no need for hate.

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I have attached below a contract which; with a few changes could be adopted by you to frame a behaviour expected of you both; by you both, once the divorce has become a decision not just a threat, and most particularly if you both have to share the same home during the process, this would allow you and any children to find acceptance that it is over, this thing you once loved.

So, even if one of you does not want this to happen, would you truly want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Counselling can be used to help you both see a new future, one without each other but one that has compassion for the person you once loved and; for yourself.

See the resources page for Solicitors that specialise in Compassionate Divorce or as Ms Paltrow coined it: A conscious uncoupling.

Contract below:

An agreement on how to manage the period in between making the decision to part and the actual parting:

  • We will both respect the decision that has been made
  • We will not tell the children until we agree on when and how
  • We will not tell other people until we agree when and how
  • We will not blame each other in the telling
  • We will leave the past alone….its done
  • We will respect the love we both once shared
  • We will not use threats, financial or emotional blackmail
  • We will agree to not use the children as pawns or disrespect the other parent in their presence
  • We will parent responsibly and openly
  • We will endeavour to live as friends & parents until living arrangements change
  • We will agree time out on disagreements
  • We will greatly reduce text contact bar functionality
  • We will continue to share existing household duties
  • We will treat each other and our home with respect