Saying No

Saying no is about respecting yourself and being respected, valuing and recognizing your inner desires, your time and space. To say no is your choice.

Saying No can be important for self preservation whether what is offered is another drink, a chance to help, an opportunity to conform, or forbidden or casual sex.

Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to say no, really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind. Saying No after a few drinks is particularly hard as our inhibitions are low but, it is when our decision making skills are not functioning.

Reasons why we don’t say No!

All people are equally capable of self-control though some of us may not believe it, for many, saying I have no self-control is a way of giving ourselves permission to do what we wish.

Neurologists believe that the brain chemistry in the reward centre alters over a period of time when we continually gratify ourselves.

Some of us have a subconscious fear that the opportunity may not come up again, it may not be on offer in the future, grab it now. Might not be asked again, affect future opportunities. This fear may have developed from childhood experience.

Being an eldest child is one reason for being a people pleaser. It is childhood conditioning that programmes you to comply with the demand when a simple No would have been more respectful to yourself.

People will reject me if I say no. A desire or need to be liked, to conform, possibly never having learnt to say No, pattern behavior from childhood continues to influence into adulthood.

A desire to be needed, to be powerful, indispensible, feelings of omnipotence, a need to help, to be Superman.

Reasons why we don’t say No to another drink

• I’m expected to be the life and soul of the party,
• I’m going to need another drink.
• I don’t come out often.
• I don’t want to go home yet, I’ll be bored there.
• May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.
• I’m boring if I’m not a bit drunk.
• I haven’t got an ‘off’ switch.
• I’m bored/uncomfortable/feeling isolated/out of my depth/shy/sad.

If you know that your will-power disintegrates after 2 glasses of wine, state to your companions at the outset ‘I am only staying for 2 drinks and then I must go, if you are at home, do not refill your glass but get another, this may help limit your consumption.

Try not to drink on an empty stomach, and certainly no more than your personal limit, alcohol can have disastrous effects when drunk without food

What does alcohol do to your brain?

Alcohol interferes with the Hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for the formation of memories.

Memory loss through alcohol consumption can be fragmentary and temporary, a ‘brown-out’ or total ‘black-out’.

The lost memories through a brown-out can often be recalled when you are reminded of them, with a black-out which is caused by a higher level of alcohol consumption, the Hippocampus does not even attempt to make memories and so recollection is impossible.

A black-out can occur when the blood alcohol level has reached 0.15% and the drinking has been rapid, that’s twice the UK  limit for driving. Ladies in lacking an enzyme to metabolise alcohol may reach black-out level much faster.

In black-out mode we can have heavy discussions, dance, have sex and make some very bad decisions, to avoid them; don’t drink on an empty stomach, drink slowly and keep an eye on your known personal limit.