Every new generation thinks that they have invented it, the heady days of a new relationship when you want to crawl into each other’s skin or, a random shag, something you may not remember too well in the morning but at that time seemed so important, that need to connect with the primal part of self.
Sex in todays society is tricky, no longer do we enter into a relationship with someone who does not have a sexual history and, we have to care and that is so difficult when we are in those mad moments of having to get naked, to get skin to skin, how do we the ask if they mind if we use a condom, we feel that it will be taken badly, an insult.
But we can end up sharing more than some passionate memories, we could end up with a no symptom STD than may affect fertility many years on.
So does this compromise sex play, the acceptance that we have today that as long as we have consent between two adults, anything goes….we also have to trust that nothing embarrassing is going to end up on Facebook or YouTube.
Sex has always been a wonderful expression of communication and when it is part of a relationship it is a wonderful thing, from the swift ‘getting ready to go out ‘shag to the full evening event with candles, generally…we all want to do it.
And its’ not all about new relationships, even with those we trust; we have concerns with body image, we have concerns about performance and we also have society’s ancient rule that it is something that is in the power of the giver.
Sex should never be withheld as a punishment, not be weaponised; as often the result is a withdrawal by both parties (no, not that sort of withdrawal!), sex should be shared honestly, you are about to share the most intimate act with that person, about to make yourself vulnerable to potential rejection, to pain, or, to enjoy a loving coming together.
So be honest with your partner, if you are worried about the size of your bum, the size of your penis, your ability to last, to get it up or give pleasure, concerns about contraception or STD’s, be honest first, get it out there in the heat of the moment because telling it afterwards is just SO complicated.
Sex is to be enjoyed, there are moments before the act when you can say, I just want a hug, I feel fat, I don’t feel loved, I am struggling to get an erection, you only want one thing, I want to use a condom; find the courage to say what you need beforehand because it will save you from a lot of anxiety afterwards.
Copyright © Ros Welch 2020. All rights reserved