We live in a society that likes to apportion blame; from politicians to partners and, it’s a habit that we started in childhood with ‘Its not my fault”
Our court system and encourages blame, a blame that is often made without fully taking into account the extenuating circumstances in the environment.
The media loves blame, it loves to point the finger and humiliate their ideal story one of riches to rags, it tilts the way we process life’s events to see that these people that didn’t follow the rules can be victimised, bullied, the finger pointed at them.
Society needs a set of rules, the Church originally supplied them and they are to avoid mayhem and enforce control, someone is more right than the other but good people can do bad things, it doesn’t make them a bad person, we all make mistakes.
When this is infidelity; we need to listen to ourselves not the condemnatory opinions of others, infidelity does not have to end a marriage or partnership unless you want it to but, the voices of others out to look for blame but without seeing behind the closed doors of your relationship may convince you that you are the victim all the time that you are desperately looking for some validation of who you are. It’s a heady mix and it gains its own momentum and makes it so hard for you to see yourself as anything other than victim.
The average relationship now lasts 12 and a half years, the pressures on relationships so different now to those of previous generations and, we are going to live a lot longer so is looking for ‘the one’ a difficult prospect.
Our culture condemns infidelity; calls it ‘adultery’ and this societal stance makes it harder to accept, it is deemed a betrayal, a right or wrong, black and white with no gradations to take into account the various temptations put in our way like porn, online chatrooms, being bored and in need of stimulation that is so easy to privately access.
This same society praises romance with the expected idea of an elaborate ceremony to ‘tie the knot’, we talk about everlasting love, about soul-mates, about them being ‘our rock’, your best friend, its asking too much, it describes a blending together rather than appreciating the others difference, and when this ends we can feel like we are losing part of ourselves and, who is to blame?
Blame is not helpful, its says you are blameless, the wrong was done to you, you had no part in it, it wasn’t your fault and someone a long time ago said “whoever is without blame can cast the first stone”, we need to recognise that just sometimes someone good does something bad and acceptance is much nicer than punishment and revenge.