– Bob Marley
Depression is a lonely place, a place that feels hopeless, meaningless, can’t concentrate, can’t make decisions, can’t sleep properly, it’s a place where we feel trapped; that nothing will change; no-one can help, we push them away and withdraw; from life itself.
We lose connection, we lose empathy, we retreat as our emotional compass spins away to itself, we feel as if we are out of control, we respond by becoming numb, all we can feel is guilt, anxiety and shame.
We cannot feel joy, don’t enjoy what we used to, no excitement, no sexual arousal; even anger and sadness are blocked, we may hide ourselves in work, turn to alcohol or drugs or porn; anything to not think about where we really are, we are overwhelmed, fearful, we think nothing and no-one can help.
We wake up exhausted, the secondary narrative in our heads not quietened during the night, depression is secondary to something, a problem, an issue that is not resolved and sinking into depression makes it so much harder to activate the problem solving part of our brain, we just turn those same thoughts over, over and over again.
Depression is deeply personal, it attacks the way we think about ourselves, our identity and self-worth, it is also a sign that something is wrong, something we believe cannot be resolved but, it can, there is a way out; its just difficult to see right now, you or someone you love is reading this and that’s a start, there is no waiting till you reach rock bottom, that’s not necessary or helpful.
If you are having suicidal thoughts it may be an idea to go online and complete the PHQ9 test, its useful, sometimes medication is a good idea when combined with counselling and, it may help you to take the next step.
If you have been depressed for quite a while your Seratonin levels have probably dropped and, a bit of help is good, doesn’t mean you are a failure, nobody is a failure but sometimes things in life seem to go pretty wrong and its managing those events or conflict that needs to be addressed.
In the depths of depression its easy to believe that no-one knows how you feel, no-one has felt this bad but, surely its time to try something, something that just may make the change you so badly need, find perspective and a way out.
NOTE: If you do see your G.P., tell them how you feel, if you are thinking about ending your life; tell them, they will understand how tired you are of looking for a way out and they can help, take care.
Copyright © Ros Welch 2020. All rights reserved